Deep Creek Hornets

Weddings that Conflict with Sports, Unacceptable

This one could get me in trouble.

I'm well aware of the potential consequences that could come from what I am about to say but sometimes a man's just gotta do what a man's gotta do.

Or at least go down trying.

I don't think my love for sports - okay, obsession for sports- is any big secret to anyone that really knows me and here lately I'm beginning to believe that the rest of the world does not share my passion.

Next to October (which I have talked about ad nauseum), March is my favorite sports months of the year. All the NFL teams are getting active in the free agent market (expect of course for the Eagles that must have missed the memo that free agency actually started), baseball is right around the corner (and I'm firmly convinced that the Phillies missed the memo that games in April actually count), the NBA is just starting to get good as teams begin to position themselves for the postseason ( i.e. players actually begin to play hard) and most importantly the two sweetest words in any sports fan's lexicon: MARCH and MADNESS.

Unfortunately, as I mentioned before, while "watch sports" was the only thing I had written on my calendar last month, I realized that the people around me inexplicably seemed to have other priorities.

And I'm getting concerned.

Case in point: I missed three of the most crucial Saturdays in March this year because of other obligations. One of them I take full responsibility for and am not ashamed of - my girlfriend and I helped chaperone my church's youth group at a local youth convention. It was a good event, I didn't mind going but still, who is planning this thing on the first weekend of the NCAA basketball tournament?

The other two Saturdays that I missed are completely inexcusable though as I missed the conference tournaments on the second weekend in March and the Sweet 16 round of March Madness on the last weekend for a couple of weddings.

In case you missed that, I missed important college basketball in March because of weddings.

Weddings.

In March.

During March Madness.

Unbelievable.

The first one I almost didn't mind because my girlfriend and I were in Myrtle Beach for the wedding of some of her childhood friends. I was enjoying a few days of much needed rest and relaxation in South Carolina so I wasn't nearly as irritable as I normally would have been and made it through the entire ceremony without a single complaint.

I knew this was just one of those times that I needed to shut up, be supportive and go with the flow and I was doing really well until that excruciating time between the ceremony and the reception when you have to wait for what feels like a small eternity for the wedding party to finish taking pictures.

This little wedding ritual makes waiting at the DMV or sitting through a "Lord of the Rings" movie look fun to me.

Ugh.

Sure enough, that wait got to me and I started running my mouth.

I started spouting off on how if I ever do get married, I will take into account all the boyfriends that have no desire to be at my wedding. My girlfriend responded that when it's your wedding you don't care about any one else except you and how it's the bride's one big day of her life. And of course I went on about having televisions strategically placed throughout the reception area because while a wedding in March or October is just blasphemous, there will always be some big game on somewhere throughout the year.

Funny enough, we go into this somewhat witty banter about when the perfect time to have a wedding would be (and don't think that this had anything to do with a potential wedding between the two of us because she obviously would have to be clinically insane to want to become a 24/7 part of my life on a legal level right now) and this is what we came up with:

TIMES YOU CAN'T HAVE A WEDDING BECAUSE OF SPORTS:

1. October
2. March
3. Most of September (depending on the Eagles' schedule)
4. The first weekend in April (the Final Four and baseball's opening weekend)
5. The second weekend in April (The Masters)
6. The last weekend of April (NFL Draft)
7. January (NFL playoffs)
8. The first weekend of February (Super Bowl)
9. Most of November and December (Holidays and college football)
10. May (NBA playoffs)
11. June (NBA Finals)

TIMES YOU CAN HAVE A WEDDING THAT WON'T CONFLICT WITH SPORTS

1. July
2. August
3. The third weekend in April (risky, but doable*)

*July and August is just always the safest because even if you do dodge a bullet with your scheduling this year, the subsequent anniversaries will inevitably come back to haunt you for the rest of your life.

There you go ladies!

But even this wasn't good enough for my girlfriend because she said that EVERYONE has their wedding in July or August.

Hmm... I wonder why.

Here's my point: we as guys know that when we are in a relationship, situations are going to come up where we are not going to get to watch every minute of every sporting event during the calendar year; but we just want women to understand that before you came along, this is all we did.

There's no grand mystery to solve about us.

My answer to every one of my girlfriend's questions pertaining to my life before her is always some variation of, "I was at Kevin's watching the game."

So, all that we are asking for is that for every single college football game or basketball playoff game that we miss because we were at the mall with you, when we ultimately do decide to enter into marital bliss can we just please not schedule it during some major game or tournament - and not just for us but for every man that will be forced against his will to come to our holy uniting?

Is that really too much to ask?

I think not.

At least I have been blessed with someone that not only tolerates my skewed perspectives but after six months, she still seems to support them as well.

It's still early... give her time.

- Josh Mahler

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